An Uncertain and Scary Crush
by ALargeBear
Summary: Yoshiko had some feelings and no idea what to do about them, especially when Chika tried to confront her about it.


Yoshiko couldn't explain why she felt the way she did. That little flutter in her chest, the heat coming from her face and the sweat on her palms every time Chika so much as smiled in her direction was all the proof she needed that the feeling was there. It wasn't something that she could deny. She had fallen for one of her self-proclaimed little demons.

Though it wasn't like she had any idea what to do about it. In all her time spent researching the minutiae of the occult and learning the finer points of living as a proper fallen angel, she never came across what to do when her heart was ensnared by someone so normal. Her first thoughts being some sort of black magic that had coiled its way around her and tightened its grip, but this was Chika, she didn't need something like that to get the same effect.

No, Yoshiko had the feeling since they first met. She could pin down her affection to the outstretched hand that invited her into the group that she cherished above all else. Not that anyone needed to know that, but the lack of judgment was something Yoshiko had never felt. Side-eyed glances and whispers behind her back were what she had gotten used to. Not friendly smiles and open acceptance.

So when Yoshiko got confronted a girl who didn't seem to give a damn about anything other than giving her a place to be, there was no way she could stop those itchy and fuzzy feelings from growing. None of which meant she had any hope of Chika feeling the same.

She knew full well what kind of person Chika was. Close to everyone in the group, but a select few closer than anyone else. Her bond with You was undeniable, her closeness with Riko known by everyone, and her connection with Kanan was old but still notable.

There was no place for her amongst those three. None of them had the baggage of a fallen angel persona that Chika would have to wade through. She could try being content with sitting in that next circle just on the outside, the one that included the rest of Aqours, but it wouldn't make the feelings festering inside disappear.

When Yoshiko felt the say she did, like she would never be able to get across what she wanted, she fell back onto what she was most comfortable with.

The camera was all set up in her room and Yoshiko ran a hand over her dress to smooth out any of the forming wrinkles. On the floor sat the large black mat that laid out all the different symbols, shapes, and runes needed for her very precise incantations. A few candles were set out in view of the camera and ready to be lit. All Yoshiko had to do now was draw the curtain shut, press record and fall into the routine that had become so trained. It could only help bring some relief and familiarity to the uncertainty that came on anytime a thought of Chika so much as flicked through her mind. Which was happening more and more as her feelings became more concrete

"What are you doing?"

Yoshiko stopped herself a few inches shy of sliding the curtain all the way closed. She hadn't heard the door open. Her thoughts must have taken up to much of her attention, but the voice was unmistakable.

"Were you going to do one of your fortune telling things on the computer?"

Yoshiko faltered, knocking an unlit candle to the side and nearly yanking the curtain down off of its rail. She got a quick glance at the girl who barged her way into the room, it was Chika alright. Hair tied into that unmistakable braid and head tilted to the side as if Yoshiko hadn't made a fool of herself. Not an ounce of judgment could be made out on Chika's face, and Yoshiko was taken in just as she always was.

That wasn't the important part of all this as many different questions all came to Yoshiko's mind. How had Chika gotten into her home? Who had let her in? Did she not understand that you should at least knock before entering someone else's room? And why would Chika come all the way here anyway? It wasn't like they spent much time alone together. All these questions needed answers, and Chika only stared back at her as if nothing was out of place.

"What do you mean 'fortune telling things'?" Yoshiko said, her voice squeaking. She chose to focus on something else. A switch flipped in mind. "I'll have you know this isn't some simple fortune telling that a mere human such as yourself could understand. No, as the great fallen angel Yohane I have a sworn duty to spread my message out to all my little demons across the entire world. Calling what happens here simple fortune telling does it no justice. What I do is perform rituals which allow me to get closer to the demons of hell and spread their will to all my followers so that someday they too may become dastardly fallen angels such as myself."

The room went silent. Chika didn't say a word, pacing about the room and looking over a black frilly skirt that hung on the wall. Yoshiko covered her face, wanting nothing more than to crawl into her bed and hide under the covers until Chika left. Here was the girl that she couldn't stop thinking about since they met standing in her room, and all Yoshiko could do was rant and rave. Not that Chika would ever judge her for it. Yoshiko knew she was too wonderful a person to ever do that.

Chika stopped inspecting the room and turned her attention to Yoshiko, still with her head buried in her hands. "You're right. That does sound a lot more important than what I said. It sounds kinda cool actually."

Yoshiko peaked her eyes over her fingertips. "You think it's cool?"

"Well," Chika scratched her head, "The stuff you talk about isn't cool. But I like when you get all fired up talking about it. You get all happy and smile more. I like that."

"You do?" Yoshiko asked, her cheeks bright red.

Chika nodded and hummed an affirmative. "That's why I've been worried about you lately."

Yoshiko wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Chika was worrying about her and noticed there was something off, that made her happy. But the thought of burdening Chika again with her own problems wasn't a situation she wanted to go through. Chika had already done so much for her, the last thing Yoshiko ever wanted to do was pile onto her with feelings that wouldn't be reciprocated.

"Why would you be worried about me?" Yoshiko asked, hiding the tremble in her voice the best she could.

"You haven't been doing all your fallen angel stuff all the time like you used to," Chika said, taking a step closer. "And I got worried that something was wrong, and I wanted to ask you about it."

That meant Chika had noticed, and Yoshiko hated it. Since her feelings had become so clear, Yoshiko wanted to do all she could to make sure that she never did anything to drive Chika away. Which meant getting rid of the single thing that had always driven a wedge between her and any potential friends or classmates. That one thing being Yohane and everything that came with her.

"Is that why you came here?" Yoshiko clenched her hands tight at her side. "You didn't have to come all the way here to do that."

"I can't sit by and not do anything if I know something is wrong with you." Chika smiled, looking about the room again. "And I've never gotten to see your room. So I guess it was a little selfish too."

Yoshiko ignored any of the soothing calm from Chika's smile and did her best to avoid the subject. "How did you get in here anyway? You can't just walk into people's homes."

"I told your mom that I was your friend and she said to let myself in."

"So you decided to walk into my room without knocking," Yoshiko said, crossing her arms in a fake huff.

"Well, she did say to let myself in." Chika trailed off, chuckling. "But you're right, I should have knocked first, sorry."

In the newly formed silence, Chika went about the room. Uprighting overturned candles and smoothing out wrinkles on the ritual mat.

Yoshiko watched, hands at her side not daring move. Not a single hint of tension or judgment came from Chika as if this was all so normal to her. Walking in on a friend performing some outlandish act and acting as if it wasn't so strange, even offering help. She couldn't focus on anything else anymore, instead, she fell further and further.

"You never answered my question, you know," Chika said, fixing the last corner of the mat and taking a step in closer.

"Wh-what question." Yoshiko's voice was strangled, her eyes fixed on some far corner of her room.

"You know," Chika's smile dropped, face serious and voice lower, "if something is wrong or not. You've been acting weird and I'm worried."

"I have not been acting weird," Yoshiko said, taking a slight step back. "I've actually been acting more normal than usual, don't you think?"

Chika narrowed her eyes, taking steps to follow Yoshiko's. "That's the problem. It's weird when you act normal. I don't like it when you try and be Yoshiko all the time instead of being Yohane."

Yoshiko ran out of room to back up and hit her back against the wall. Sweat beaded on her forehead and her heart continued to drum away. Chika's words were sugary sweet as they ran through her head, but the thought of Chika ever knowing anything about the feelings was terrifying.

"You don't mean that." Yoshiko found her voice. "Everyone always gets tired of it. You aren't any different."

The words were simple lies, Yoshiko knew that. As if Chika would ever get tired of someone she considered a friend. It was an impossibility, and Yoshiko regretted even mentioning it.

Chika's eyes narrowed further, raising her voice even louder. "Of course I mean it! I meant everything I said when I asked you to join the group. I wanted you to be a part of Aqours as the fallen angel Yohane, and I don't want you to act like something you're not."

Yoshiko kept quite. Chika stood only a few inches away, warm and rapid breaths brushed up against her skin. She couldn't think of the last time she had seen Chika so upset, maybe only after their first trip to Tokyo.

"Don't lie and tell me everything's okay when I know it isn't." Chika stepped back, taking a deep breath, still staring into Yoshiko's eyes. "So please, Yoshiko. Can you tell me what's wrong? I want you to smile and be weird like you used to. It's not the same when you try and force yourself to be normal."

Her vision blurred and a layer of tears formed, but Yoshiko wouldn't cry now. Chika cared so much, the least she could do was try and explain.

"You'll still be my friend if I tell you all this, right?" Yoshiko asked.

"Of course." Chika smiled, showing some of her teeth. "I promise you can tell me anything and I'll still be your friend."

The knot in Yoshiko's stomach tightened and she wanted nothing more than to run away. There was no way she could bring it up. Confessing on the spot wasn't something she could ever see herself doing, even with Chika being as inviting as she was. She needed something to ease the overbearing pressures, and Chika's smiles and acceptance could only go so far.

Chika quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head, but never said a word. She waited for Yoshiko's answer.

"Y-Yes, Yohane does have an issue she needs help with." It was the only way Yoshiko could bring herself to continue. Her voice lacked much of the trained and fake confidence that usually came as she adopted her fallen angel style. It could only go so far.

Chika's face brightened considerably, spurring Yoshiko to continue.

"Someone has come and stolen my heart away from me, and I don't know what I should do." The words were Yoshiko's typical dramatic bent, but her tone was anything but. Her words broken and stuttered.

Chika tapped her chin. "So, you like somebody."

"Well, it's not that simple," Yoshiko mumbled.

"Why not?" Chika still smiled.

"Because you see," Yoshiko couldn't look forward anymore. Focusing instead on her many different baubles and trinkets around her room. "The person I like is an angel."

"An angel? What does that mean?"

It was a bad explanation, Yoshiko knew that, but it was the only way she could get it out. Things came easier to her when grounded in her own reality

"This person is the opposite of me," Yoshiko started, Chika hanging on every word. She wiped her forehead of the building sweat. "She's an angel who is always watching over everyone, even if they don't ask for. She makes sure that people are happy, even if she isn't herself. I'm an angel who has fallen to the demons of hell, but this person didn't care about any of that. They've done so much for me and I have no right to feel this way."

It was a mumbled and bumbled try at explaining anything. Yoshiko hoped that she didn't come off as too much of an oddball, but it was Chika, so of course it wouldn't change anything no matter how much she thought it would.

"She does sound pretty amazing," Chika said. Yoshiko nodded a silent yes in return. "Can I ask who this person is?"

Yoshiko shook her head no, electing to stay silent. She couldn't bring herself to say it now.

Chika clasped her hands together with wide eyes. "Please, I can help you if I know who it is."

It wasn't fair, Yoshiko thought. She looked into Chika's eyes and could make out nothing but compassion. It made wanting to tell come so easy. A calming effect that soothed her inner tension despite everything that she had been telling herself since the feelings became evident. Something that just made Yoshiko feel like she could actually be alright.

Yoshiko looked at the ground and muttered. "It's you."

"What was that." Chika leaned in closer, face inches away from Yoshiko's.

"I said the person I was talking about was you." The admission rolled out easier than she ever thought possible and looking at Chika, it was obvious she hadn't expected it.

Chika blinked a few times. "So all that stuff you said was about me? You really think I'm that special?"

"I do."

There was a brief pause. Yoshiko wanted to turn Chika around and usher her out. It had all tumbled out. Why did Chika have to have such an impactful effect on her? Never could she have been so honest with anyone, but Chika made everything so simple. It was something else she'd have to add to the growing list of things she loved.

The hands that snaked their way around her waist and the head that laid on her shoulder were what broke the tension. Yoshiko tensed as Chika pulled her in close.

"I think you're special too, Yoshiko." Chika's voice lowered, her face pushed into Yoshiko's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about me not liking you back."

Yoshiko kept her arms stiff at her side and eyes low, grabbing at the fabric of her own clothes. Scared to speak up, afraid that this could all be something to her that it wasn't to Chika.

Chika picked her head up, staring at Yoshiko with arms still around her waist, feeling nothing but stiffness and nerves. "I really do like you, Yoshiko. I mean it."

"I-I like you a lot, too." Yoshiko lifted her head, greeted with a smile that was only for her. Her cheeks continued to darken.

"You already said that." Chika giggled, pulling Yoshiko into another quick squeeze before backing away. "I've got an idea to celebrate all this."

"What's that?" Yoshiko wanted to reach out and pull Chika back in, she missed the feeling already.

Chika stood in the center of the black mat, candles still standing around the edges. "We should do one of your shows together."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." Chika took Yoshiko's hand, pulling her to her side and staring at the setup camera. "It'll be our first official thing as a couple, and I want to see exactly how you do it."

"If you really want to. I might act a little weird, though."

Yoshiko's warning had been wholly ignored, Chika already grabbed a nearby black cape and slung it around her shoulder. Making sure to give an extra flourish as she spun on her heel.

"Let's start. I want to see Yohane at her best." Chika brushed herself against Yoshiko's arm, preparing for a performance she didn't know how to give.

Yoshiko moved forward, preparing to start her show. Before she could click record on the camera she smiled. With Chika still hanging on her arm, she could feel everything, from the acceptance to the love. It was a feeling she was sure wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon.


End file.
